What makes you, you?

(yes, another thread, where I, Korbi, can talk about myself!)

If anything, I have to congratulate my "Flame & Steel" determination for doing things and bracing through stuff. Yup, I went that far to give a nickname to my personal trait. Have a issue with that, take it to the complaint department, or suck it. Either way, my "Flame & Steel" made me bore through all social and mental challenges (and some physical challenges as well!) and reach my goal, whatever it might be. I can easily ignore useless distractions, I cannot easily be persuaded, seduced, coerced, nor bribed, not to mention blackmailed, humiliated and all the bad stuff. If I let something happen, it would usually be because of: 1) Me feeling sorry about [X], or 2) Realizing it would benefit me in some way. It is usually the first, seeing someone being humiliated (unless they are a massive asshole of whom I know before) has me all flamed up. It isn't fair to humiliate and dominate other people. Winning a war/feud/kerfuffle is a thing however, which is valid, like, one sir beating another in a bet. However, bullying and all above is a no-no. This can cause some issues, like me being unable to tell if its two friends having a prank war or is it one asshole making fun of one good dude. Without context I can easily ruin the fun. Other than these third-party situations, when a situation involves me being targeted, I am usually going to take a stand, defend my position until I die, and won't give up unless I myself know its futile and won't lead to anything. I have good examples of these, but I don't wanna bother you guys with them. Being long stories and all. I could copy+paste though, so if you wanna know, speak to me, and I shall provide. (personal philosophy in the spoiler below)


Eh, anyways, as Tracer said, I have a knack for telling and making stories, might get a living out of it, dunno. Has been a while since I wrote a good story, you know, with a ending and all. But my spark hasn't gone away, in fact, just like me, it is trying hard to take a spot in my daily schedual now! Might be the fact that I haven't touched my diary since my last year in high school, that thing is colossal, like, four years of content, every day a paragraph or four. Even with skipped days, it is long and massive! I guess I started making friends online and stuff and I simply forgot. Yeah, I had been missing my friends and all. Other than that, I am very self-aware of health and being, and I am doing my best to make myself work at the optimal pace, with trying to lose weight and all. I am still not getting enough sleep though, I just keep working into the night or just doing fandom-y stuff that drains precious sleeping hours.

I am so bold and brash I even dare to call myself creative. I am not really smart, nor do I pay much attention at school/college, mostly because I so wanna do something else, like, draw or write. I have so many of these ideas, its nuts. I think however, that everyone has these crazy ideas, however, not many people act on them, or think on them further. Meanwhile there are so many story/game/machine concepts buzzing in my head I don't have many options but to work on them in my spare time. It doesn't help that other ideas keep flowing on and on, sometimes I have a overflow. This may sound like I am being a narcisstic dick who speaks way too high of myself, so instead of degrading, here I am going to explain what is it really all about. Locating, and then taming/capturing intrusive thoughts. Looking, observing and studying details. Making connections between objects and actions, actions and actions, objects and objects. Tons of tiny logical gates which give out output depending on conditions. People just need to look hard and look everywhere, and it will be there somewhere. That is, unless someone is a soulless husk who only sees skin and bones. I reckon no one I know is like this, not even you guys. You are all fine.

Either way, I believe, a year ago or two, I have discovered a new type of enemy. These enemies are everywhere, although, they are hidden within the regular folk all to well that, while their effects are extremely noticeable, just who or how they operate is as visible as a pigeon's egg. I call them depressos. Depressos are a jealous folk who are bent on destroying happiness, peace and hope of regular people. They don't follow a certain trend, their religious, sexual and political orientation is irrelevant. Point is, they despise humanity. They want it gone off the face of earth. They consider humanity to be the ultimate curse of the universe. They would certainly want for humanity to suffer. To fear. To be terrorized. To be blank as canvas. Without a proper reason. You had seen how many people on the internet are becoming depressed, chasing after treatments and pills, killing themselves off, simply because they suddenly cannot see what life is about and don't even think they will see the cause. Of course, some people are genuine like this. But, just, a lot of decent people are being poisoned by this toxic emotional cloud, which clouds their heart and soul and brings afort darkness even in the brightest of daylight. I cannot really talk much about this, but, either way, whenever I accuse someone of being a depresso, or whenever I call something depresso propaganda, I make those calls purely because I believe that exposure to such people/things promote anthropological nihilism and promote suicide and self-harming. You might not see them, but surely I did. Just... I even played a free game on Steam that ends when the protagonist hangs himself. Raising awarness isn't doing shit. You can see them as well, I am sure! Just, out of suddenly, a lot of media revolves around depression and suicide, its just too suspicious. A lot of people pleading for help and sanctuary, and finding them within a noose or midflight from a tall building. Cause? Smartass depressos who think they know everything. When media isn't dealing with suicide and depression, a lot of depressos like to bully and guilt-trip people, ruin their hopes and dreams "just 'cause". This is especially prominent within the internet, especially "dank memes" which often have punchline revolving death and dying. How many young artists are being bullied by fandoms and "memers" just for doing what they like? Just how many people in real life are being bullied for who they are? And instead of toughening up after seeing that not all hope is lost, depressos find a way to hunt down and hide the remaining hope from these brought down people. However, some people can have their entire day ruined just by asking "Who do you think you are that makes you special in the bigger universal scale?" or some other depresso mind trick. Thing is, people nowadays are used to finding answers immediately. It isn't like before, where, if you had a question about how much a penguin lives, you had to go the library, find a tome, read some information, and be happy with what you got. Nowadays, all you have to do is google. People are so used to googling their miseries away, that when they cannot, they lose hope. I had this happen to me. Then a breakthrough happened.

There are tons of floating questions with no proper answers, such as "the meaning of life" or "why even bother doing stuff". Beforehand, that question had different answers for everyone. Some people found the meaning in helping others, some people found meaning in conquering their enemies, some people found meaning in exploration of new lands. That situation remains today, however, when you look at it with today's mentality, you will find "blank" because the answer is way too cosmically large to answer. The answer is entirely subjective. That is kinda why religion exists. Why science exists. Why everything exists. However, somewhere along the line, the society's mindset crossed a certain line in which anything that cannot be summed up isn't correct. I cannot really go far and wide right now, this isn't a sermon.

But, surely, nihilistic questions and bullying, and pretty much everything bad like that doesn't affect me because of that. I know, that all this depression over existentialism is useless in the long run. Everything has a reason to exist, we aren't just some brains riding flesh covered skeletons around. We have thoughts, we have feelings. We are able to affect so many things, pull out heroic moves, break reality. We are tough as nails. Humanity will survive no matter what, it would be physically impossible to eliminate all of humanity. It would take fantasy-sorts-of-apocalypse just to wipe us out, like, I dunno, space faerie demons who can stop time or some bullshit. Throw atom bombs, throw poison, throw everything we have ever made and whatever is possible, we would survive, adapt and move on. God made a good choice when creating us. He made some of the most resilient motherfuckers ever. I bet we could even survive the coldening of the universe, given enough time. We are not useless space dust. I am not, you are not. This is just the toxic cloud spitting nonsense into our throats and eyes. It will pass when the cycle repeats, when medieval era kicks in again, some time in the future. Maybe there would be even more heroes in search of their happiness.

I know I certainly am. No website is going to contain answers to where my fortune lies. I am doing what I am doing not because of a short-lasting sensation, no, that is what my art is about. I am in search of my fortune, because Our Lords wills it so. Just try to talk me away from it. I am not stepping down.

(boy, I sound like a know-it-all neckbeard, do I? I assure, I am not) Now a bit about who I am, and not why I am.

Politics kinda make me sick. America's glamorous political scene + local garbage, it all stacks up and I don't really follow politics, nor do I even have a orientation. If anyone ever asks me, for a poll or something, out of joke, I state myself to be a "space communist". Of course, I cannot care much about communism, unless I am doing artsy stuff around communism, and even then, when I am done, I am done.

I stated multiple times to be asexual. I am kinda annoying when it comes to this, but boy does it feel good to be free from sex.

Of course, despite being asexual, I am still a conservative religious nut who would love to have children. Like, I would love to have a family. I would love it if I could find a decent woman, who is kinda weird like me, determined like me, and optionally asexual as well. Last thing I want is adultery. I just don't see why people think it is worth it. Adultery is betrayal of worst kind. Imagine being intimate with someone only to be humiliated just for a single trait that isn't even that important in daily lifestyle. I would be devastated and on a crusade pretty much immediately if it would happen to me. I can solemnly swear to castrate myself off (and I love my painis) if I even as accidentally step into adultery. I despise it with my entire being. Sin absolutely heretical. Sin SIN SIN SIN.

(that is where my "nut" part from the "religious nut" is all about).

As much as I keep away politics from my life, I keep my faith closer. My religion is a big thing for me, my faith as well. Christianity, especially Catholicism, is flexible in some points, but is still firm enough to provide advice for a clean life. I purposefully avoid alcohol and drugs because of this as well. Last thing I need is shackles of addictions holding me down in my mental combat against daily troubles. When religious arguments rise up, I can see where the agitation from both sides come, and I can relate, however, that doesn't mean I don't stand in the shieldwall in between my brothers and sisters. However, I had been dodging arguments like these for a while now. 100% of the time these arguments are just a waste of time and air. No religious person gets "awaken". No atheist/pagan gets "converted". It all ends up on a stalemate, and ends up like pretty much every internet fight. Its just stupid. However, if someone were to debate me in real life, he better buckle the fuck up because DEUS VULT, MOTHERFUCKERS! *theme song blasts off* *along with at least 1000 of crusaders* *you asked for it, bitch heretic*

However, 99% of the time I don't give a fuck about other people's beliefs or faith. My religious life isn't about starting arguments with other people, it is all within good spirit of helping myself and helping others, while leading a clean life. That is kinda me with religion.

Back on topic, I believe I would be utterly happy being in love and in a relationship with a ideal woman. My (a)sexuality gives no fucks when it comes to looks or gender, I can't feel anything after all, but due to my conservative standards imposed by honor and tradition, my preferred partner would be a woman who in all aspects is similar to me. There aren't a lot of asexuals, so someone who understands and respects honor and tradition should do just as fine (fear of adultery is ever-present, this is my bad side), and most importantly, ideal partner should be fertile. I want my kids "organic", so to say, to be members of my bloodline (I imagine I would be devastated to learn to be infertile, something I am also afraid of). I dunno why I want my kids, but to heck with it, Our Lord wills it (that basically means "Deus vult").

Misc info:
- Favorite color: pink, yellow, black. Individual, in combo, mixed up, love those colors!
- Favorite food: Always loved homemade stuff (living on the countryside and all), but I adore peanut butter a lot, good thing it helps with weight loss!
- Favorite animal: Basically anything bigger than a thumb. Doggies, kitties, of all sizes and fluffiness, love them all! However, fuck wasps, slugs, flies, everything that is tiny and isn't a spider. Spiders are kinda cool because they eat those lil shits. Fuck em. Other than that, wish to be like my ancestors, who raised horses, to ride a horse. I bet it would be funny as fuck for me to just march on a horse to college, with a saddle and banner and all.
- Favorite fantasy race: Always humans. If not humans, dwarfs, due to guns and gyrocopters and all the cool dwarven stuff.
- Favorite weapon: Medieval or modern? Uhh, depending on the era I guess. If you threw me in the earlier medieval era, I would fashion a short spear or a lance. Throw me into 1700s, I would love it if I could get my hands on two simple pistols and a turkish yukatan(?). In these days? Uhh, I dunno. I guess I would trust any German firearm. Kinda goes along with my ancestors. I wouldn't mind having a cute VSS Vintorez though :3
- Favorite mean of transportation: Always walking. I know how to drive a car, but it is just a hassle for me right now, with the city being overcrowded with cars anyways. Plus, walking is healthy!

Dunno anymore. Posting this :/

Umm I dunno hehehe.

First, I'm actually kinda againsta strongly expressed individuality in people. Pro-mainstream, if I were to use smart prefixes.

People should be easily controllable, so that directing them into progress would be easier. I really giggle when I read people distrusting the news for example. Why be a smartass and insist on the Real Objective Truth™ if you are expected to believe in something else? That's stupid.

Or, my fav ones, the anti-mainstream folk. The ones who always try to, umm, outsmart the majority. I don't honestly see a reason why would anyone separate himself from the society like that. Being a part of the crowd is great.

Or, my fav ones out of my fav ones, atheists. Mostly the internet-dwelling ones but there are exceptions ofc. Jesus holy christ, those guys are the biggest tumour on modern society right now. They are so adorably certain of the fact that their Holy Mission™ is to spread enlightment that it's just comical how butthurt they get, even when only slightly agitated by an amateur troll like me. Then I get pissed off by how genuinely stupid and rationalist they are. That's why I don't troll people too much lately.


Second, I always enjoy a good dank meme.

As a result of that my vocab has devolved to "ur mom" and "in ur pants" but bleh.

Another consequence is that I laugh a lot now. A lot. Very loudly too. And usually I laugh so hard that I start gasping for air, then I realize how goddamn ridiculous I must look from a side and I start laughing even more. And sometimes it happens when I hear a really stupid joke lol.


Third, I'm just enough socially awkward for it to be kinda funny but not enough awkward for it to be too unpleasant. Used to be different when I was like 12 tho. Also I think even that little awkwardness I have left is slowly dwindling so yeah bravo me I guess.


Fourth, I can spend lots of time phrasing a single sentence and as a result they get overly complicated, as this very post demonstrates ayy lmao xd

I think this is caused by me being almost completely tri-lingual, so adapting my mental flow to the nuances of a single language can be kinda tricky.
Btw I'll probably start learning a new lingo reel soon (Czech as a matter of fact,
how's that @vikkazda?), so stuff's bound to get even worse.

Also this lingo confusion contributes to the aforementioned awkwardness, yay.


Fifth, I'm like really emotional. I start crying whenever things get slightly intense or touching. Or when someone next to me is crying, I start crying too, like, just coz that someone is sad. I dunno, from one side that's a really cute personality trait to have, but from the other one it isn't really. Men don't cry, remember? Esp us Slavs. ;]


Sixth, this post got really long LIKE MY PAINIS

Seventh, I banged ur mom yesterday

Eighth, ur adopted lol

Ninth, ur dad is gay

Tenth, u suck lol

What makes me, me.... hmmm.... Okay I'll give this a shot  

Well to start off, I'm an American from the Northeast and I have one of the worst accents you'll ever hear in your lifetime lol it's pretty bad, trust me.  I'm of Italian descent and raised under traditional standards.  I'm also Catholic.  I'm trying to learn the Italian language (the standard Tuscan Italian) and I can read some Italian and can decipher some of the sentences, but I can't speak it fluently yet.  Studying Latin back in my late teenage years kind of helped get a better understanding of the Romance languages.  I dislike the sentence structure.  I find it really confusing.  Why couldn't the Romans just simplify their sentence structure?  Like seriously.... romance language example: orange juice in Italian will be "succo d'arancia" which will literally translate to "juice of orange" .... JUST SAY "ARANCIA SUCCO" Uggghh! I think English is more of a Germanic language than Romance in my opinion.  Maybe learning German would be a bit easier.  I don't know.

Whoops, got off track.  Okay more about myself.... I'm almost a quarter of a century old.  in terms of looks, I would say I'm an average looking guy.  I'm not exactly tall nor short... being 5'9'' (175 cm) is just "meh." I go to the gym a few times a week and try to keep a healthy organic diet.  

Outdoor hobbies: I enjoy being around nature.  Hiking, camping, fishing, hunting, long distance running, etc.. all outdoor manly stuff that boosts the Testosterone levels to OVER 9000.  I love cars and attending races.  I have a pretty sick Infiniti and love taking it to the track once in a while ;-) Maybe it's the Italian in me that naturally loves racing haha One day I would like to own a BMW R12 motorcycle. 

Indoor hobbies: I'm a technology guy.  Besides the fact I work in Information Technology for a living, I'm relatively computer/hardware savvy.  I enjoy tinkering around with hardware and modifying old gaming consoles.  I just modified my Colecovision (will post new thread soon!) with composite A/V. I also play music on the piano and saxophone on occasion.  When it's a rainy day, I find pleasure in either reading a book or playing DM online with the ol' ZDaemon peeps, like Doomkid, Trace, and VDRK_17.  

Miscellaneous stuff:  I have two academic degrees in Business Management and in Information Technology.  I never really liked going to University and I'm glad it's over. It took 6 years of my life to complete and a lot of sacrifice was made to get to where I am now.  Would I ever go back to pursue a Masters? I don't know.  But for now, I'm working full time. Do I see myself as "smarter" than others who haven't attended University? No, I don't believe having a "piece of paper" means I'm smarter or better than anyone else.  

As I get older, I tend to see myself as different than most people.  Perhaps because I'm more of a traditional person.  I like being who I am.  I don't care much for the typical 20-something year old nightclub lifestyle or college party life.  In all honestly, I see it as degenerate and I avoid it like the plague.  I'm not a follower nor do i just "go with the flow" of what is considered cool or not.  I would say I have more of an introverted personality, but when you get to know me in person I'm a very respectful guy and I warm up pretty easily.  

Well this pretty much sums up what makes me, me... 

After reading your post, GRUG, we seem like pretty similarly minded guys.

Also, I love New England Clam Chowder. I say that because you mentioned the Northeast, which made me think of Boston, which made me think of how they talk. I always wanted to live in Boston, because as a Security Guard, I'd be called a "God".

I really want to have a tee shirt made that just says, "Freakin' Chowdah" with a map of Boston on it.

Deep Dish over any other dish.

So you have acknowledged the problem.

How can you address it?

I suppose not drinking cheap booze before posting on Doomer Boards at ungodly hours in the morning would help.

I also think actually trying to face these problems would help, certainly more than monging up every thread in a spatter of drunken sadness would.