Your Overall Outlook on Your Life?

It's a mutual feeling dude. I don't wanna die like this; but my only hope is to have the eternal adoration of the Doom community despite my expulsion. I will claw my way violently into their hearts and not let go until they deem me the best there's ever been. Or demand me. I'm fighting to make my life worth living and not to be simply lost to the midst of time itself.

I just don't want my existance to be for nothing, you know? I've angered a lot of the vets and Jimmy&Co. are holding onto the drama so I guess I should just kill myself.

They say "It's just a game!" but when you're relatively useless and terrible at everything due to raw incompetence, plus a bevy of mental issues causing you to act like a sperg at the drop of a hat, Games ARE life. Or a Form-Life. S'not a life-form cause it's not alive, but it's certainly more than just "Art" or "A Game" or "Entertainment". It's something more. Something that speaks to one's most basest instincts, and to one's most deepest imaginations and passions. The most direct means of creating the things that plague your mentality. This, and the ability to kill things without repercussion because they're ficticious, virtual monsters who exist for the sole purpose of captivating us, and they're not harmed by it. Videogames don't cause violence if the gamers in question become MORE opposed to such things and even fear committing them themselves.

I'm tired of fuckin' things up, y'know? I wanna make something of myself. It's not enough to play DOOM anymore. After playing it for years, I needed to give back.

Maybe from there I'll catch my break and be able to fulfill a childhood dream of getting into the industry; but I'll always keep doing passion stuff.

Aaand the unfortunacy of clogging my harddrive with gigabytes worth of Trash.
I never asked for this; Getting into Doom modding was supposed to be my escape from that.
Kill me.

Sarais bro just chill and take two Dooms with water after each meal.

I think you’re already overdosing as it is, just two will be plenty for a while.

mrthejoshmon: You've hinted at a pretty self-loathing mode of thinking before, but it's daunting to read it in more detail. I'm always happy to read your posts. I read these forums incessantly and I value everyone's contributions. I don't mean in a customer service style "your input matters to us: please fill out this 10 question survey for a chance to win a prize" sort of way. I mean I hate getting all of my information from a small range of perspectives, so your posts in any thread are always read by me with a reasonable level of credibility.

I too, at times, recognize the insignificance of my life in the giant mass of humans we share this planet with. And it is certainly depressing. There's just too many fucking people who need attention that aren't getting it, and they act out in bizarre ways that they don't realize are really off-putting, which makes the entire world seem like it's booked it's one way ticket descending into crazy town. There's just not enough time and energy and motivation to give everyone what they need to make them chill out and just be themselves.

That said, there were times where I felt that I had a pretty solid and well-thought out outlook on life. What I've realized recently is that my outlook is still very much a work in progress that isn't even close to being fully comprehended. As I've gotten older, I've realized that in the same way that something like Doom mapping can be so complicated and take many years to work out exactly what about it makes for a good or bad map, everything can be examined in that level of detail. People, especially, are all very complicated. Sometimes they do and say things they don't mean because they're taking a shortcut to provoke a reaction that they want. Their motivations to do or say something are usually not obvious and it's wrong to always take them at face value. I do believe that even the worst people in the world have very normal, human, and relatable needs that make them able to connect with. Depending on the circumstances of their life, and how cooperative they choose to be, some can be much more difficult than others.

Based on your opinion of life, I think you're surrounded by a lot of people who have a very strange way of expressing how they feel, and by being exposed to it for a long enough time, you've learned to believe that they are acting exactly as their mind works. We all have the capacity to do some pretty amazing things with our minds when it comes to problem solving, but also at being deceptive. I'd imagine that if you were really as worthless as you make yourself up to be, you'd be completely invisible and absent to everyone's mind completely. Seriously, people would think about you as often as they think about whether there's enough nutrients in the earth's soil to sustain plant growth for the next 10,000 years, or if within the cold exterior of the icy planet Pluto lies a warm chocolatey center. (in other words, basically never at all.)

Josh don't kill yerself yo, I like your snarky british humour (You're a Brit right?)

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As for myself, I'm enjoying a quite chill existence at the moment. I'm in my mid-teens, young beautiful smart charismatic intelligent yet still somehow a virgin, on my parents' neck, no real worries or concerns at all, insane-ass mapping skillz0rz, an adorable "awkward but kinda cool guy" reputation IRL which I don't mind (at least I'm not being beaten up), slowly becoming more and more sociable (I was terribly introverted when I was like 13, not anymore, thankfully).

Ofc all this will change dramatically in about a year when I go to university in some neat badass European country, as I'll be forced to fight for myself, but that's kinda what I want, so all is cool. But that's another story, isn't it??

Overall I'd say I'm living a real-ass happy life, which is probably good??

If you think into it, my life is also kinda dusty and insignificant but at least one person is having benefits from it (me), so I don't really overload myself with such thoughts most of the time. I'm not really doing anything for some sort of greater goal or anything, which probably makes my life qualify as kinda worthless, but I'm only at 1/6 of my life, yo, everything's ahead, yet to come, right?
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Seriously, Josh mate, there's nothing bad in being dust and wind. There doesn't really have to be a meaning. It'll come. And even if it doesn't, what's the difference anyway?? Just having hope is enough sometimes. :] <3 <3 thank you for being you

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sarais sweetheart I think you're taking it all too seriously, just relax, drink some peach juice or whatever because peach juice is delicious and makes you more relaxed and all that; Doom is really just a game, also have ya noticed that usually the most proficient mappers have the most relaxed attitudes towards all that?? Don't treat a stupid videogame communtiy as your only chance of success because that would be stupid, and nobody wants to be stupid, right??? :] <3 <3 <3


P.S. I'm quite bad at wording and I sound like a hyperactive 14-year-old because I'm quite sleepy and can't be bothered to make my posts coherent, so suffer ehehhe

I've been taking the black pill lately on my outlook on life.  I'm in my mid twenties and not married or have any gf. This could be due to my negativity/disdain towards most people. I never really liked a lot of people during my college years. Everyone came across to me as degenerates or morons, except for my friend Tom who was always there for me during some difficult times in my life.  

I come from a good household, but my extended family is a mess and it sometimes affects my immediate family. The issue always stems down to money, and ego. 

Society is a mess and standards are as low as dinosaur bones. 

I'm very disgusted at the mentality of people from my generation, which is why I often do not relate to them.  I date women once in a while, but it often doesn't work out.  This is mostly because they dislike my values, or vise versa.  I don't want to be one of those MGTOW types.  I want to meet the right woman and someday start a family, but I'm terrified that I might get fucked over by some psychopathic cunt who decides to leave my ass, take more than half of my money/assets in alimony, etc.. This happened to my uncle and it nearly ruined him.  

I think what keeps my left foot going in front of my right foot is a small spark of a optimism. I say to myself, "I believe there will be a better chance that my life will improve if I continue to work hard and never give up." 

Quote from Lord of The Rings: "Despair or folly? said Gandalf. It is not despair, for despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt."

It’s like John Lennon said, “If you go carrying pictures of President Trump, you’re not gonna make it with anyone anyhow”

- John Lennon, 1968

Kontra, you mention you smoke and drink while complaining about lack of morals of others around you, what do you see in the others that is so heinous? Not odd at all, making jokes can be like the first sighs of desperate cries from a man overboard and nearly drowning. Your philosophy at the end is based in reality, but how do you place fault on everyone else while giving yourself a clean sheet? Take some responsibility man, because if you like to play the blame game, eventually you would have to include yourself. I think it is you yourself who needs to play the game of empathy and humility.

No worries josh bro, take care and chin up

Lol nope

- Mark David Chapman, 1980