40oz
diRTbAg
Posts: 5,536
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 9:09:01 GMT -5
Post by 40oz on Nov 6, 2017 9:09:01 GMT -5
I've been married for almost 4 years now. As time moves on, I'm losing touch with what the dating scene is like. I've almost completely forgot what it's like to try to talk to women with the intention of asking them out. I used to be pretty good at flirting with women and high school and I actually kinda miss it, if only for the practice and not for the results.
I have some friends my age who are still dating and now that we're getting closer to our thirties, a few of them have brought it to my attention how difficult it is. A couple of my good girl friends have had a new man in their life almost every month. During a time where they were single I had them over for some drinks at my house and they mentioned how lucky my wife and I are to be married today because there are simply NO GOOD MEN left out there.
I think there's some of truth to that. I know a lot of great guys that are awesome friends but I would never set them up on a date with one of my close girl friends. They just don't seem like they are at the same level of maturity for a serious relationship that they're looking for. And as you get older all the good guys get in long term relationships and all the dudes that are left will say anything they need to to get a one night stand. It's crazy and I really feel for them.
Nonetheless, there are men who are in a similar situation. What are the challenges when it comes to dating other women? Are there any people here who have been in and out of relationships for a while? Are you trying hard and having no luck finding the right person? Have you dealt with too many morons to keep wasting your time? What are some of your worst relationship/dating experiences?
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TOS
You're trying to say you like DOS better than me, right?
Glenzinho's Chicabro
Posts: 1,045
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 11:17:12 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TOS on Nov 6, 2017 11:17:12 GMT -5
I can hear doomworlders sharpening their pitchforks and lighting their torches already...but here it goes.
Many first world "men" in their twenties have been taught that what makes a boy "a man" is something to frown upon.
Increase your intelligence: NERD!
Open the door for a lady: CHIVALRY IS DEAD, WOMEN ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE TO OPEN THEIR OWN DOOR.
Smile at a woman: CREEP.
Fight for any reason: Violent monster.
Be assertive: You have anger issues.
Monogomist: What's wrong bro? Can't bag more than one? Haha fag.
....the list goes on. My point is that this generation has been conditioned to frown upon masculine behavior and conservative values. As progressive idealogy becomes more prevolent, I notice men becoming less respectable as "men."
That's my two cents on the matter.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 15:48:10 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 15:48:10 GMT -5
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 16:47:19 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 16:47:19 GMT -5
Trace: a man don’t give two fucks for the responses of others. Are you worried to be called a nerd? Fuck that, be smart. If you are smart you would be smart enough not to be bothered. See what I’m saying? Open that fucking door like a gent, smile at that lady like she is one, especially with your eyes that’s the secret, assert yourself as a man but don’t intimidate. A man is forceful, but has the touch and experience to know how far. Anyone saying that kind of bullshit is a child using words of no value and importance, parroting the latest trends of fear.
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TOS
You're trying to say you like DOS better than me, right?
Glenzinho's Chicabro
Posts: 1,045
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 19:40:07 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TOS on Nov 6, 2017 19:40:07 GMT -5
We are on the same page, Glen.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Dating
Nov 6, 2017 23:22:25 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2017 23:22:25 GMT -5
Yeah it's called page 1, and it should be your first page of anything worth paying attention to.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 8, 2017 2:27:53 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2017 2:27:53 GMT -5
People can sleep with each other multiple times, have nice dates, and all; they're still subject to "ghosting" or "sub-marining" To be submarined means that a person will disappear out of your life, and then "resurface" months later. People have become really screwed up nowadays...
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40oz
diRTbAg
Posts: 5,536
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Dating
Nov 9, 2017 8:19:42 GMT -5
Post by 40oz on Nov 9, 2017 8:19:42 GMT -5
Kontra, you've made posts about the frustrations associated with dating. Are you looking for a long term relationship?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 12, 2017 4:22:53 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2017 4:22:53 GMT -5
Dating is probably a struggle for the majority of people that are obsessive enough to be on a niche forum dedicated to an old game. I imagine if I wasn't such a rampant 'sperg myself, I'd have moved on to other things years ago. However, I've tried it myself nonetheless and I think the real difficulty is in finding somebody to date in the first place. Meet a girl in a bar? She's out with loads of friends, you're probably wankered and it turns out she's actually from nowhere near the area anyway. Clubbing? You're all fucked up, it's too loud and that one-nighter won't look so hot the next morning for either of you. Meet at work? Your unwanted advances are sexual harassment. That girl you've been friends with for ages and think she's really cool? She's not interested. Friend of a friend? They're pairing up their desperate or unattractive mates (you included), so nobody is interested. Online dating? See basically all of the above...
Of course, this is all hyperbole, but my point is that it's hard. Dating itself is easy, because you turn up to a place and do a thing. You get to know each other and, if you like each other, you do some stuff in more places. I've had a girlfriend for most of this year courtesy of online dating, but meeting her was basically the end product of months of digitally putting myself out there. Obviously you don't meet people if you're not out there and you can't get a "yes" without asking first, but there's going to be plenty of strike outs on the way. I'd not even go as far as to say they're disappointments, because I went into online dating with very low expectations and mostly had them met. Loads of fake profiles and obvious scammers, a few people that were way more up for chatting than meeting up, a couple of dates that didn't want following up (it's amazing what people are actually like in person when they seem alright over the internet) and some repugnant requests. I'd hate to be a woman on a site like Plenty of Fish, going by how aggressively defensive some of their profiles were. Apparently just sending a dick pic is basically step #1 for a surprising number of blokes! I'm just thankful that I wasn't on there for ages and that we decided we could leave the site pretty quickly, as we were going well.
Now my difficulty with dating is that I'm a little concerned about how easy it is to fall into a routine. I don't think I'm boring her, but it's hard to know for sure. Does she need impressing every time? Probably not, but I'd like to manage it sometimes. Still, we're both human. She has her doubts and worries, just like me - neither of us are actively screwing the other over and things are happy. Can't be that hard to keep it that way, I'd have thought, as a pair of "mature" adults with plenty of shared interests.
I'd certainly not be in a rush to try dating again if I did find myself single though. Can't say I envy people that!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Dating
Nov 12, 2017 5:13:03 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2017 5:13:03 GMT -5
Try playing on HNTR for once instead of UV you heroes.
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MrGlide
Doomer
Welcome to the shit show
Posts: 33
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Dating
Nov 13, 2017 14:44:03 GMT -5
Post by MrGlide on Nov 13, 2017 14:44:03 GMT -5
I'v been with my wife for ten years, so I can't say I know the difficulties of dating now days, But I'v been hit on and talked to by plenty of women in that time frame. I think when it comes to meeting women that are compatible with you just means being in the right place at the right time, Being socially active at work or with groups of friends Seems to be the most common way I'v met other women I felt a click with. It happens with time. Just to clearify, I'm not talking about cheating, as I never would cheat on my wife because that's against my morals, but meeting women that just mentally click with you. Some people seem to think the answer to this is bars and parties. while it would seem simple to find someone who is sexually compatible at the places, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to be actually compatible on a personality level.
So looking at that, I would say peoples best chance at finding a women to date, would be to hang around social spaces irl with people of similar interests, other than getting drunk.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 13, 2017 16:49:06 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2017 16:49:06 GMT -5
Yeah ten years for me too bro, welcome to the “if we had killed her we’d be out of jail by now” club!
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TOS
You're trying to say you like DOS better than me, right?
Glenzinho's Chicabro
Posts: 1,045
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Dating
Nov 13, 2017 16:57:11 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TOS on Nov 13, 2017 16:57:11 GMT -5
Well, I met my girlfriend of about three years on one of those dating sites I swore I would never use. If you met her, you'd never think we would be compatible. I'm a right-wing metalhead who loves horror movies, and she's a liberal country fan who likes romantic comedies. Granted, we have many things in common (general demeanor, food preferences, religious beliefs, family values, loyalty...etc.), but we are definitely more of an example of how opposites attract. In our case, it balances us both out. If I'm being too "right wingy", she'll subtly put me in check ("Hey babe, try using that big heart I know you've got"), and I have let her know when the time to be kindhearted toward people who don't deserve it is over (I usually just take over if the transgression happens in person).
It has worked so far and we couldn't be happier.
Plus...we both like to bust eachothers' chops about certain political issues...and electtion time has never been so much fun.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 13, 2017 19:17:23 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2017 19:17:23 GMT -5
They say there is someone for everyone but I'm not so sure about that as what I need/want and what fate has left for me on the table are two very different things, well as far as life has been showing me so far, it's currently a feast of bullshit.
In terms of partnership, it is like life has sat me in a restaurant and left me nought but a menu with no way to place an order, I can look but I can't actually have anything whilst the other guests in enjoy their metaphoric meals (reminding me of what I can't have) whilst I silently suffer.
Like everything else thus far, I will just have to learn to deal with it as I already know there is no light at the end of the void consumed tunnel that is my empty life as it just ends in a very cold, dark and lonely death.
Looking forward to it.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 13, 2017 20:38:04 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2017 20:38:04 GMT -5
That’s a very sad outlook you have there Josh, but the clues lie in your words. Do you want a relationship or do you want what you perceive others to have while you have not? If you find the true answer you will come to the conclusion you need and the rest will follow. Life is long dude, and there IS someone (or in some cases multiple someones) for everyone.
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MrGlide
Doomer
Welcome to the shit show
Posts: 33
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 2:35:50 GMT -5
Post by MrGlide on Nov 14, 2017 2:35:50 GMT -5
(reminding me of what I can't have) whilst I silently suffer. Why? what is it you think you're missing that is required for a partner? Let's problem solve.
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TOS
You're trying to say you like DOS better than me, right?
Glenzinho's Chicabro
Posts: 1,045
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 6:56:00 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TOS on Nov 14, 2017 6:56:00 GMT -5
Bro, I met my woman when I was over four hundred pounds. We were rooting for different teams in what was probably the most socially dividing election in recent history. If I can earn her love, then there really is hope for you. I promise.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 7:48:29 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 7:48:29 GMT -5
It'd take too long to explain myself and my situation fully, most of it is trivial anyway.
I'm in an eternal conflict with myself, it is like I'm being torn apart by so many people yet it is all just me. I have a need to be around people, talk to people, help people, when I'm with company I'm distracted from myself. The problem is that people are simply not interested in knowing me, most people just outright hate me, leaving me isolated for long periods of time.
When I'm alone I start to think about me, I start to hate me, I look upon myself for answers to why I'm alone all the time and all I can do is see me as the problem. What happens then is "episodes" of lamentation fueled hysteria which leads to things like that post up there that I really shouldn't make. After these "episodes" I get back self control and end up running damage control and cleaning my mess up before anyone sees it (evidently I'm too late).
What I said in that post still stands however, at one time there was hope, I saw light but it is almost as the world itself stepped in to stomp it out, on top of that I myself refuse to let me engage in "romantic pursuits" as I'm (as you can probably tell) filled with problems that can't be fixed, I've tried help and it doesn't work so rather than persist and proceed to burden another with my situation I'm actively going against my better wishes. I'll suffer, sure, but at least I'll not break anyone elses heart.
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And thus, the sex thread became the mental health thread once again, please feel free to split my bullshit as I derailed this hard.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 8:06:40 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 8:06:40 GMT -5
Well the default answer for me to propose I suppose would be to get fit, eat well, work hard at something, learn to love yourself + smile, get a friend that'll treat you nice (being treated "normally" works pretty good against depression), talk to people online, start acting pleasant to be around (people feel about you what you make them feel), be less attached to things you think too much about (attachment leads to suffering, thanks buddhism), say hello to random nice looking strangers in your neighborhood or something during a walk, and never look down at the ground if you do that a lot. So uh, try some of that if you please. Big important thing for social interaction: relax.
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TOS
You're trying to say you like DOS better than me, right?
Glenzinho's Chicabro
Posts: 1,045
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 9:05:37 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by TOS on Nov 14, 2017 9:05:37 GMT -5
A man I worked with and connected with on many levels once gave me great advice. He told me to hold my head up higher. At first I thought that he meant it metaphorically...but he clarified, "No, actually hold your head higher. You either look too slouched or ready to attack. Neither make you approachable."
So I did, and dammit it felt weird. It felt like I was actually staring upward for awhile. But people took notice almost instantly. Suddenly people looked at me and said hi when our paths would cross instead of just getting out of my way without so much as a glance. Holding your face higher and standing up straight allows light to hit your face, making you seem less reserved, and therefore more welcoming. I learned that this made me look a lot more confident.
Then it dawned on me...I didn't need to be confident. Everyone just had to believe I was, and eventually I felt more confident. Do I still have bad days? Fuck yeah I do. But does anyone around me know that? Fuck no, it's none of their business.
This has helped me a lot when dealing with people and myself.
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BIG DICK NIGGA
this post is a lie about my bodily proportions
Major Arlene obsessed, 100% verified freakazoid. AKA bzzrak
Posts: 2,296
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 9:51:12 GMT -5
Post by BIG DICK NIGGA on Nov 14, 2017 9:51:12 GMT -5
Yeah, I've observed that too! I once read some magazine that actually studied this kind of thing, and saw that depressed people usually look down. Sooooo... since I literally started looking straight forward when walking, I've become far less edgy and annoying. May be just a teenage mood-swing instead of an actually positive effect, but yeah that's true! Quite possibly the most Zen realization I've ever had tbh.
(edit: despite all the zen I'm still a virgin tho)
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40oz
diRTbAg
Posts: 5,536
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Dating
Nov 14, 2017 13:21:56 GMT -5
Post by 40oz on Nov 14, 2017 13:21:56 GMT -5
I'm in an eternal conflict with myself, it is like I'm being torn apart by so many people yet it is all just me. I have a need to be around people, talk to people, help people, when I'm with company I'm distracted from myself. The problem is that people are simply not interested in knowing me, most people just outright hate me, leaving me isolated for long periods of time. This is a trick that our minds play on us. We think we know what other people think of us. Think about how often you pause while writing a post, or how often you revise a sentence. Most people would choose their words more carefully when given the chance. People don't always say what they mean, and they don't always know the kind of impact it has. Everyone's mind is very complex. Try to avoid coloring their behavior with your judgment. You don't always know what people's motivations are, and even if you do, those motivations aren't always the same every day of their life. Notice what MrGlide did to initiate this conversation. He asked a pretty simple question, which gave you a clean slate to help us understand you better. In my experience, when I ask someone a pretty open-ended question like that, the answers always surprise me. EDIT: just so you know, I'm saying this because I used to have thoughts similar to yours too. It took me a long time to figure this out, and I got it through the assistance of other people too. And thus, the sex thread became the mental health thread once again, please feel free to split my bullshit as I derailed this hard. Staying on topic is against the rules.
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