glenzinho deleted his account?
Apr 11, 2021 14:08:14 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2021 14:08:14 GMT -5
40oz, what you wrote sent chills down my spine. I had a similar experience outside of doom community, on some Russian forum (not even game-related) nearly a decade ago and this brought back traumatic memories as those things happened to me when I was vulnerable, owed to real life misfortunes happening at the same time. Mine story also has something on top of it in that my hands were absolutely dirty, and that I was, in effect, instrumental to my own demise and I paid for the suffering I caused others by ending in the same predicament I helped put them.
So, there was once a tolerant, open-minded community hosting entire factions of people with a bit different worldview on a certain unified subject, well, let's state it was sex and gender, and the largest by far factions were: binary gender or perhaps heteronormative discourse, and non-binary bisexual/pansexual people. I am not talking about people who necessary identified themselves as non-binary or otherwise, but about lenses through which the world is looked at by these people. Initially joining as a person with non-binary outlook, I found myself - owed to me being an asshole, I admit - in personal confrontation with many non-binary people on subjects not directly related to gender, but to all kinds of off-topic. Quite simply, I happened not to get along with people whose worldview mostly matched mine, but on the contrary, was forced to seek support from binary heteronormative people because I got along with some of them, including the ones that were founding admins. My worldview was eventually flipped as the result of these - I became supporter of heteronormative discourse, rejecting my former views. Occassionally, people on both sides of the fence would leave, usually after writing farewell posts, but in rare cases, the people would just stop visiting cold turkey, with no declamations. As I was quite an asshole, though, I eventually got permabanned, but I had an ICQ contacts with some of the members, including one of admins.
Month later after getting permabanned, I was contacted by the admin - who subscribed to heteronormative discourse - with a request to help them invent some forum rule so they can arbitrary dispose of people but without it looking that way and without the non-binary admin protesting. I was very intrigued by such request as it made me feel important, but ultimately said I can't think of anything. Then, days after, I inquired - despite making no contribution upon the request - whether I can get unbanned (I was permabanned when I went out with a bang by insulting that non-binary admin for a good measure after the entire forum ganged up on me to drive me out). The request was granted, surprisingly, and I was requested to write a new introduction thread. As I made a lot of enemies, immediately after I posted introduction some of those people - who also participated in driving me out to go out with a bang before - went to shit on it, including insulting the heteronormative admin (in the case they insulted admin and not me they didn't even insult me, they just made statements about admin for some reason). I kept my neck straight, my head high and proud and didn't respond. All of people who posted in my thread were either banned (if they had enough warnings), or given warnings. After that the non-binary admin made a statement about making a new forum dedicated to then only emerging queer discource, told she realized they are not welcome here anymore, and the mass exodus happened. Thus I did indeed granted the heteronormative admin their wish - not writing a rule though, but merely unbanning me had the effect of rooting out half of the forum and also fixing the discource as heteronormative. I was invited to an "inner circle" group which discussed the merit of members, especially when they were troublesome, and also a suggestion to become a moderator. However, since I didn't always agree with the way arguing was treated, I declined being a mod. I also asked why would they want to make me a mod if people hate me, and they said that's exactly why they want me to be a mod, as a mod that doesn't have enemies is a bad mod, they said. In an "inner circle" I also saw a thread discussing me the whole time till my earlier permaban, shortly after that it was moved to a hidden archive only mods and admins see. They apparently gave me enough time to read my own dossier, there was a lot of heavy criticism there (I deserved it, by the way).
Months after, due to my prolonged periods of inactivity, I was excluded from "inner circle", and eventually drove the ire of the same admin that unbanned me. By that time, I had noticed, the forum had become the opposite of democracy it once was. The ban was issued when you would be given a third warning, and in one thread, when discussing a seemingly innocuous subject, I was given two. Also, public discussion of admin/mods actions was forbidden by the rules. By that time, I also befriended another heteronormative admin (well, actually no other kind of admins were left), so I tried to reach them through PM... but it was blocked. Not only I've been given 2 warnings at one time, but the admin also took down my right to post private messages, a punishment not in the rules! And I couldn't even protest, for writing a message about it in public would result in violations of the rules and thus ban. So I reached the other admin over ICQ. She agreed to restore my right to post PMs, but didn't take away the warnings. I was to remain on thin ice for the remainder of my time on the forum.
Naturally, in this predicament one feels that it's best not to post at all. Posting just about anything seemed risky, as the logic of the admins was sometimes hard to follow (I declined a mod offer for that reason, remember?). And then I realized... the admin that did this to me was actually quite a strong demagogue, but before I drew her ire I never noticed that. So I looked at the post history of people who left even before the mass exodus, and noticed the same pattern. People left after being given multiple warnings, usually unfair and this admin was involved. Maybe they had their PM rights taken down, too, but had no contacts to overrule this decision? Or simply were intimidated by admin's personality and didn't even attempt to fight back. But, get this, these people usually were not banned - they were made to look like they simply left, but they were on a thin ice before they left. And this has been going on for years, even before my joining. This admin had unmatched debate skills, and they used them to do this to people - drive them over the line, issue them multiple warnings, maybe block PM too, and making them look like they simply chose to leave. And now I was being disposed of, too. Perhaps I did deserve it after all - I was instrumental into rooting out the other half of the forum - and now I was going down like the rest, stomped by the same people I've done a "great" service. Justice served.
Now, that forum had no "shadow ban" thing. On doomworld, they simply routinely shadow ban people, making them look like they left on their own, by technical means. They are not that good at debates like the person I dealt with in the past, for example - that person was exceptionally good, owed maybe to their job as journalist. So, for example, I didn't know @memfis was banned on DW until it was brought done in some discussion. I thought he simply left because he couldn't bear the shame of having cheated and being called on it.
So just like in Nineteen Eighty-Four, in my case "the fathers of revolution" were imprisoned, tortured, forced to confess in a show trial, then publicly executed. Well, the revolution twist was absent in circumstances you described as compared to mine, but I'm showing how still more fucked things can get.
Also, in that example I brought about my past, I briefly mentioned being driven to go out with the bang. This is why I, in fact, defended @vordakk in this thread - doomer.boards.net/thread/1776/understand . I was permabanned when a mod split my post from some thread and gave it a name that referenced me, because I was then fighting against a lot of people I have made my enemies, in a thread were the mod made me its subject. So, eventually in that thread I insulted the entire category of people I was arguing with, called admin a prostitute for a good measure, and said I don't care about how long I am getting banned this time (I was banned before two times). So when you, 40oz, made @vordakk and his opinion the subject of discussion in a thread you split from another one, it was very reminiscent of what happened to me, and I'm telling you, it's a really underhanded trick. Thus I was vowen to defend him, as no one should be put in this predicament, and it is really triggering for the person targeted and indeed puts the bias "oh, fuck this forum, I'm out and proud". It's really unfair. As for my opinions, they sometimes match @vordakk's and sometimes don't. He is a good guy anyway, just like you are.
xeepeep, the ones leaving are trying to make it look like they have power over us and can destroy us and make their buddies at DW laugh at doomer boards seemingly "falling apart", but I won't be scaried of them. So what we have to do is realize that we are dealing with Fifth Column here. Like in World War II times, when Nazi Germany recruited people from alienated categories within the victim country to provide intelligence and to undertake acts of sabotage against their home country. I know it feels like I'm exaggerating, stretching, being sensationalist/paranoid, but these people consciously betrayed us knowing how it would make us feel and look in the eye of guest observer. I will not be taken down by these scum. And the reason stuff like this can happen for real is that it makes the runaways - every single one of them - feel like they have power over us, each one person over many, by putting the weight of their contributions behind the "deleting one's account" move. The traitors that made up Fifth Column were probably given the same illusion by their Nazi handlers, although I think in this case we have kinda "grassroots" betrayal, with no coordinated agenda. I won't, of course, propose it is a coordinated agenda until I see facts backing this idea.
So, there was once a tolerant, open-minded community hosting entire factions of people with a bit different worldview on a certain unified subject, well, let's state it was sex and gender, and the largest by far factions were: binary gender or perhaps heteronormative discourse, and non-binary bisexual/pansexual people. I am not talking about people who necessary identified themselves as non-binary or otherwise, but about lenses through which the world is looked at by these people. Initially joining as a person with non-binary outlook, I found myself - owed to me being an asshole, I admit - in personal confrontation with many non-binary people on subjects not directly related to gender, but to all kinds of off-topic. Quite simply, I happened not to get along with people whose worldview mostly matched mine, but on the contrary, was forced to seek support from binary heteronormative people because I got along with some of them, including the ones that were founding admins. My worldview was eventually flipped as the result of these - I became supporter of heteronormative discourse, rejecting my former views. Occassionally, people on both sides of the fence would leave, usually after writing farewell posts, but in rare cases, the people would just stop visiting cold turkey, with no declamations. As I was quite an asshole, though, I eventually got permabanned, but I had an ICQ contacts with some of the members, including one of admins.
Month later after getting permabanned, I was contacted by the admin - who subscribed to heteronormative discourse - with a request to help them invent some forum rule so they can arbitrary dispose of people but without it looking that way and without the non-binary admin protesting. I was very intrigued by such request as it made me feel important, but ultimately said I can't think of anything. Then, days after, I inquired - despite making no contribution upon the request - whether I can get unbanned (I was permabanned when I went out with a bang by insulting that non-binary admin for a good measure after the entire forum ganged up on me to drive me out). The request was granted, surprisingly, and I was requested to write a new introduction thread. As I made a lot of enemies, immediately after I posted introduction some of those people - who also participated in driving me out to go out with a bang before - went to shit on it, including insulting the heteronormative admin (in the case they insulted admin and not me they didn't even insult me, they just made statements about admin for some reason). I kept my neck straight, my head high and proud and didn't respond. All of people who posted in my thread were either banned (if they had enough warnings), or given warnings. After that the non-binary admin made a statement about making a new forum dedicated to then only emerging queer discource, told she realized they are not welcome here anymore, and the mass exodus happened. Thus I did indeed granted the heteronormative admin their wish - not writing a rule though, but merely unbanning me had the effect of rooting out half of the forum and also fixing the discource as heteronormative. I was invited to an "inner circle" group which discussed the merit of members, especially when they were troublesome, and also a suggestion to become a moderator. However, since I didn't always agree with the way arguing was treated, I declined being a mod. I also asked why would they want to make me a mod if people hate me, and they said that's exactly why they want me to be a mod, as a mod that doesn't have enemies is a bad mod, they said. In an "inner circle" I also saw a thread discussing me the whole time till my earlier permaban, shortly after that it was moved to a hidden archive only mods and admins see. They apparently gave me enough time to read my own dossier, there was a lot of heavy criticism there (I deserved it, by the way).
Months after, due to my prolonged periods of inactivity, I was excluded from "inner circle", and eventually drove the ire of the same admin that unbanned me. By that time, I had noticed, the forum had become the opposite of democracy it once was. The ban was issued when you would be given a third warning, and in one thread, when discussing a seemingly innocuous subject, I was given two. Also, public discussion of admin/mods actions was forbidden by the rules. By that time, I also befriended another heteronormative admin (well, actually no other kind of admins were left), so I tried to reach them through PM... but it was blocked. Not only I've been given 2 warnings at one time, but the admin also took down my right to post private messages, a punishment not in the rules! And I couldn't even protest, for writing a message about it in public would result in violations of the rules and thus ban. So I reached the other admin over ICQ. She agreed to restore my right to post PMs, but didn't take away the warnings. I was to remain on thin ice for the remainder of my time on the forum.
Naturally, in this predicament one feels that it's best not to post at all. Posting just about anything seemed risky, as the logic of the admins was sometimes hard to follow (I declined a mod offer for that reason, remember?). And then I realized... the admin that did this to me was actually quite a strong demagogue, but before I drew her ire I never noticed that. So I looked at the post history of people who left even before the mass exodus, and noticed the same pattern. People left after being given multiple warnings, usually unfair and this admin was involved. Maybe they had their PM rights taken down, too, but had no contacts to overrule this decision? Or simply were intimidated by admin's personality and didn't even attempt to fight back. But, get this, these people usually were not banned - they were made to look like they simply left, but they were on a thin ice before they left. And this has been going on for years, even before my joining. This admin had unmatched debate skills, and they used them to do this to people - drive them over the line, issue them multiple warnings, maybe block PM too, and making them look like they simply chose to leave. And now I was being disposed of, too. Perhaps I did deserve it after all - I was instrumental into rooting out the other half of the forum - and now I was going down like the rest, stomped by the same people I've done a "great" service. Justice served.
Now, that forum had no "shadow ban" thing. On doomworld, they simply routinely shadow ban people, making them look like they left on their own, by technical means. They are not that good at debates like the person I dealt with in the past, for example - that person was exceptionally good, owed maybe to their job as journalist. So, for example, I didn't know @memfis was banned on DW until it was brought done in some discussion. I thought he simply left because he couldn't bear the shame of having cheated and being called on it.
So just like in Nineteen Eighty-Four, in my case "the fathers of revolution" were imprisoned, tortured, forced to confess in a show trial, then publicly executed. Well, the revolution twist was absent in circumstances you described as compared to mine, but I'm showing how still more fucked things can get.
Also, in that example I brought about my past, I briefly mentioned being driven to go out with the bang. This is why I, in fact, defended @vordakk in this thread - doomer.boards.net/thread/1776/understand . I was permabanned when a mod split my post from some thread and gave it a name that referenced me, because I was then fighting against a lot of people I have made my enemies, in a thread were the mod made me its subject. So, eventually in that thread I insulted the entire category of people I was arguing with, called admin a prostitute for a good measure, and said I don't care about how long I am getting banned this time (I was banned before two times). So when you, 40oz, made @vordakk and his opinion the subject of discussion in a thread you split from another one, it was very reminiscent of what happened to me, and I'm telling you, it's a really underhanded trick. Thus I was vowen to defend him, as no one should be put in this predicament, and it is really triggering for the person targeted and indeed puts the bias "oh, fuck this forum, I'm out and proud". It's really unfair. As for my opinions, they sometimes match @vordakk's and sometimes don't. He is a good guy anyway, just like you are.
xeepeep, the ones leaving are trying to make it look like they have power over us and can destroy us and make their buddies at DW laugh at doomer boards seemingly "falling apart", but I won't be scaried of them. So what we have to do is realize that we are dealing with Fifth Column here. Like in World War II times, when Nazi Germany recruited people from alienated categories within the victim country to provide intelligence and to undertake acts of sabotage against their home country. I know it feels like I'm exaggerating, stretching, being sensationalist/paranoid, but these people consciously betrayed us knowing how it would make us feel and look in the eye of guest observer. I will not be taken down by these scum. And the reason stuff like this can happen for real is that it makes the runaways - every single one of them - feel like they have power over us, each one person over many, by putting the weight of their contributions behind the "deleting one's account" move. The traitors that made up Fifth Column were probably given the same illusion by their Nazi handlers, although I think in this case we have kinda "grassroots" betrayal, with no coordinated agenda. I won't, of course, propose it is a coordinated agenda until I see facts backing this idea.
