picky picky nose nose
Aug 24, 2023 7:50:10 GMT -5
Post by 40oz on Aug 24, 2023 7:50:10 GMT -5
the rule is you can post personal blogs here only if the thread titles make no sense and offers no context to the content of the post. heres some stuff id write to my therapist if i had one.
tl;dr version: being positive and encouraging just sounds like platitudes, empty gestures, and wishful thinking to a depressed autistic partner. i know i feel lonely and shitty about myself a lot but i dont know what I need to do to be able to hold space for people and my partner again.
Ive been scared of hurting people if my niceness and thoughtful gestures are received as inauthentic, especially if i dont feel energized to say or do them in a candor that feels cheery and empowering. i go through waves of depression naturally, so i have a mantra to live by to want to do my best to make life more delightful for others any way i can. I just have not been acting on this lately.
being positive and encouraging just sounds like platitudes, empty gestures, and wishful thinking to a depressed autistic person.
My partner reminds me pretty often that i 'used to care' and i realized today that i think the many times they have challenged and defeated my positivity with cold hard logic has kinda snuffed out my will to say the nice things people want to hear unless im fully prepared to back it up it in argument.
This has become true in my romantic relationship with my partner AND relationships with other people around me. This, unfortunately, keeps me pretty quiet in times when its probably appropriate to cheer someone up. I dont like this new development about myself.
i feel pretty bad about this because my partner can certainly ruminate on their feelings of failure or a bad situation never getting better, and i feel guilty letting them sit and stew in those overwhelming emotions whenever i do. I know they perform better with the right encouragement but i dont always know what to say. Sometimes I dont know for weeks or months at a time!
Ive had many moments with my partner where being half-assed in my approach to cheering them up can make it worse. Their self-defeating, gloomy, retorts triumph in the discourse and their victory further solidifies their disposition.
it is hard to back up positivity. I can tell you that you look beautiful today, but how do i prove it if i see you every day and you tell me that you feel worse today than you do most days? I don't know you just look nice to me?? Can i just have that opinion please?? i didnt prepare an itemized checklist of all your visual components and how they improved since yesterday..! this is not the lovely conversation id like a normal off-the-cuff compliment to steer into.
I also dont make efforts to reach out to my friends and family to check on them because i worry about going silent if they suddenly tell me they have run into some bad luck lately. I worry about not having the right encouraging words to say and needing to ghost the conversation after they confide in me with something like that, so i save myself from the embarrassment and them from the hurt by not reaching out at all.
"Yes everything in the world sucks right now and I dont know what to do about it!!" i scream silently to myself quite often. I'm not sure anyone really wants this shouted at them when their mechanic says their car repairs will cost them a few hundred extra dollars.
i can't tell if hurting my relationships by opting to just say 'yeah...' when a fully fleshed out motivational speech doesnt come to mind appropriately at the time shit is not going as planned. Im getting the impression that people are seeing me as selfish because im perpetually unavailable when i havent been a year or more ago. i know i feel lonely and shitty about myself a lot but i dont know what I need to do to be able to hold space for people and my partner again.
tl;dr version: being positive and encouraging just sounds like platitudes, empty gestures, and wishful thinking to a depressed autistic partner. i know i feel lonely and shitty about myself a lot but i dont know what I need to do to be able to hold space for people and my partner again.
Ive been scared of hurting people if my niceness and thoughtful gestures are received as inauthentic, especially if i dont feel energized to say or do them in a candor that feels cheery and empowering. i go through waves of depression naturally, so i have a mantra to live by to want to do my best to make life more delightful for others any way i can. I just have not been acting on this lately.
being positive and encouraging just sounds like platitudes, empty gestures, and wishful thinking to a depressed autistic person.
My partner reminds me pretty often that i 'used to care' and i realized today that i think the many times they have challenged and defeated my positivity with cold hard logic has kinda snuffed out my will to say the nice things people want to hear unless im fully prepared to back it up it in argument.
This has become true in my romantic relationship with my partner AND relationships with other people around me. This, unfortunately, keeps me pretty quiet in times when its probably appropriate to cheer someone up. I dont like this new development about myself.
i feel pretty bad about this because my partner can certainly ruminate on their feelings of failure or a bad situation never getting better, and i feel guilty letting them sit and stew in those overwhelming emotions whenever i do. I know they perform better with the right encouragement but i dont always know what to say. Sometimes I dont know for weeks or months at a time!
Ive had many moments with my partner where being half-assed in my approach to cheering them up can make it worse. Their self-defeating, gloomy, retorts triumph in the discourse and their victory further solidifies their disposition.
it is hard to back up positivity. I can tell you that you look beautiful today, but how do i prove it if i see you every day and you tell me that you feel worse today than you do most days? I don't know you just look nice to me?? Can i just have that opinion please?? i didnt prepare an itemized checklist of all your visual components and how they improved since yesterday..! this is not the lovely conversation id like a normal off-the-cuff compliment to steer into.
I also dont make efforts to reach out to my friends and family to check on them because i worry about going silent if they suddenly tell me they have run into some bad luck lately. I worry about not having the right encouraging words to say and needing to ghost the conversation after they confide in me with something like that, so i save myself from the embarrassment and them from the hurt by not reaching out at all.
"Yes everything in the world sucks right now and I dont know what to do about it!!" i scream silently to myself quite often. I'm not sure anyone really wants this shouted at them when their mechanic says their car repairs will cost them a few hundred extra dollars.
i can't tell if hurting my relationships by opting to just say 'yeah...' when a fully fleshed out motivational speech doesnt come to mind appropriately at the time shit is not going as planned. Im getting the impression that people are seeing me as selfish because im perpetually unavailable when i havent been a year or more ago. i know i feel lonely and shitty about myself a lot but i dont know what I need to do to be able to hold space for people and my partner again.
