Hello! Not really much of a cage match if it's only one person fighting, isn't it?
I generally try to stay out of forum drama, I'm more interested in making things and watching other people make things. But with his latest meltdown as of yesterday, I've realized that S'arais has been a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum for far too long.
In a sentence, this bitch is
fucking crazy. I've never seen someone with such unbelievably low self-esteem and yet such an overinflated sense of self and what he's done. I've never seen someone lie so much while getting so angry about how other people are supposedly lying about him. He will hijack unrelated topics to be about him, then get angry when people post things about him. He will do his best to convince everyone else that the world is against him, when many of these issues are either 100% his own doing or entirely made-up.
He is a very self-destructive individual.
One thing you'll notice about S'arais is that he never posts logs, never posts screenshots, never posts any concrete evidence. It's all he-said-she-said bullshit. This is because
everything he says about what happened to him is either a lie or a strange fantasy he's made up to be the oppressed victim.
Everything he says is double-speak, and nothing is to be taken at face value. He is a liar with a martyrdom complex.
On the contrary, I come bearing gifts. Enjoy!
pastebin.com/31jwutKm - This is the very first encounter I have with him, and frankly, I didn't even remember it until recently. This was over four years ago, I'd kind of just moved on.
Near as I can tell from a cursory glance over it, S'arais started making a whole bunch of jokes about a new Holocaust to kill more jews in a Friday Night Fragfest server, a weekly public Zandronum community event where folks get together. The server admin (ijon) called him a fucking moron and banned him from the server. He went to #vr (for some reason) to complain about it (even though #vr really had nothing to do with Zandronum), and ijon called him a fucking moron there, too. He left the server (entirely of his own volition) and the channel admin (Eric) banned him after the fact.
This was over four years ago. It seems that, in his mind, the channel is not only still active but also routinely conspires against him, directing anonymous shitposts at him and controlling the moderators that ban him.
Meanwhile, this is what has happened in the #vr IRC server recently.
i.imgur.com/jSYLSkB.pngThe IRC channel is fucking dead. Nobody talks about him, the most recent activity we've had is yesterday randoms joining in and saying "Wait there's no S'arais discussion going on here?".
We've played Doom, we've had fun, we've fought, we've had good times, we've had bad times, we've made memories, some people have moved on to other games, some people have picked up modding and joined other communities, some people have moved to Discord. We've had fun, but nothing lasts forever so we've moved on.
Now, the next encounter he talks about, what he refers to as "Highway 2 Hell". The Highway to Hell mapset is a ZDoom mapset I'm (very slowly) working on--when I first announced it on /vr/, I'd aimed for it to be a community collaboration. Ultimately, though, there were only a couple submissions, so I'd shrugged and decided I'd work on it privately and release it when ready.
S'arais did indeed make a map for it! The problem is, his map is utter trash.
i.imgur.com/OHwzpfn.pngi.imgur.com/laDRlEd.pngi.imgur.com/8sO96ac.pngNo really, it's fucking trash. It looks ugly, it plays ugly, it's done with no sense of texture alignment or placement. He says that most people were okay with the map--that's a straight-up fucking lie. People chewed him out for how it looked, for the texture alignment, for how he drew it freehand without attaching to the grid, for how it's long and thin corridors with enemies packed in, and more.
I rejected the map. It's an awful map, and I told him it's an awful map. I just went about my business, but little did I know this would be the catalyst for when he truly snapped.
The next encounter happened under very much the same circumstances. Now, I can't 100% confirm this; I'm a friend of Jimmy and I wasn't actually in the Discord at the time, so I got the entire tl;dr by hearsay. So take this with a grain of salt.
Jimmy is a mapper that hosts community events called "The Joy of Mapping", with emphasis on bringing newcomers into the folds and teaching them how to map. I've never actually participated in one, but lots of criticism from different folks.
S'arais was no exception. He worked on his map. It was bad, but people shrugged because nobody expects a newcomer to map well. Now, the problem was when he started editing other people's maps as well. Already a pretty touchy thing as it is, but when a bad mapper decides to take it on himself to "fix" other people's "mistakes", then he got the boot.
Now, I said "take this with a grain of salt", so here's the logs if you want to see how it all went down.
imgur.com/a/DNvYEWhoever sent these shots to me apparently had the text size down to "microscopic", but it's what we've got.
This next part is definitely not "grain of salt" material.
Now, around this time, S'arais's pet died. Because of this, he was not 100% in the right state of mind, and so he got
really fucking mad about his rejection and decided to shit up Doomworld over it. He proclaimed himself to be the god of Doom, that his way was the true way. People were simply trying to oppress him, they were scared of his vision and what he could become. He said people were disrespecting Ty Halderman and that his death meant nothing to everybody. It was fucking crazy.
Here are the four pages of the topic.
i.imgur.com/sUiQbYI.pngi.imgur.com/KsCFB1N.png - That's me halfway down! Hi, mom!
i.imgur.com/krsvt1F.pngi.imgur.com/Z1xTvdt.pngI was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt at the time. None of us think straight during times of grieving. Death hits us all hard. He's just hurt, he needed time to heal.
That was nice to think at the time, but it's almost half a year later and he's still spewing out the same lies about how everyone is trying to oppress him. He's still trying to use other people's deaths as ammo. And now he's actively threatening people who supposedly have wronged him.
Like, fucking hell, my dude.
Do you want to know what the Doominati actually is? Here, have some HOT LEAKS from the server.
i.imgur.com/RsWQnyE.pngi.imgur.com/OnKvC9t.pngi.imgur.com/KcxZoVd.pngIt's a Discord server (nothing to do with IRC or #vr at all, despite your conspiratorial ravings) where we can talk about making stuff and prod at how to fix stuff, how to improve our stuff, bug reports for our stuff, and what's the most efficient way to code things. It's a server where we can play video games and talk about how much we like video games. It's a server where we can host nights where we watch weeb shit and play Zandronum online with different gameplay mods.
It has nothing to do with you aside from mention of "Dude S'arais is flipping his shit on Doomworld". It has nothing to do with controlling the community or controlling what people create. How the fuck would we even do that, anyway? Do we all make posts on a forum going "STOP MAPPING FOR BOOM, MAKE MORE ZDOOM MAPS"? Nobody would follow that anyway.
Even if we all wanted more ZDoom mapsets, people are able (and allowed) to make whatever they want. And, here's the thing,
that's perfectly all right that people do other stuff we aren't invested in.
You're not going to believe me, but I never actually ever held a grudge against you. I liked the fact that you were still trying to make things, even after slipping up. I've been there, long long long ago, before joining the Doom community. I know how it feels, struggling with hammering your head against the wall to learn something, making no progress, desperately trying to climb out of the pit of mediocrity to try and figure out how to Make Good Thing.
I've never tried to censor you, tell you to stop making anything, or anything of the sort. Even if your maps are trash, I thought the fact that you're still trying to make them contribute to the community was good. I was happy for you and was hoping that you would finally get your big break, that you would release something amazing and finally be at peace.
But now?
Fuck right off.
