40oz
diRTbAg
Posts: 5,534
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Post by 40oz on Mar 30, 2020 22:15:56 GMT -5
Were back and were live on the air folks! Pick a chair and buckle up because its motha fuckin storie time with motha fuckin dn This is what we still play Doom for!
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dn
Body Count: 02
the motherfucking darknation
Posts: 1,724
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Post by dn on Apr 1, 2020 11:36:17 GMT -5
In the Mid-Winter of the year of Armok 120, the Artifact Freenadir was created by the Dorfs of Cogmeban. It was a piece of shit added to the pile of other pieces of shit: it sits in the same stockpile as an Artifact crossbow that some retard made out of cat bones tied together with spidersilk and string. Legends passed throughout the lands that this piece of shit was sitting collecting dust, and some dumb fuck with an axe decided that he simply *must* have it: he approached The Black Baron and demanded it be handed over into his care. Our glorious Baron promptly told the treasure hunter to go and fuck himself. Two day later, a woodcutter caught the little shite trying to sneak into the fortress. i.postimg.cc/s2Jgkqxt/idiot.gifThis shit will not stand: I sent the human mercenaries after him and glorious combat erupted on the bridge recently erected atop the Death Chasm. Stalemate: it's a four-to-one combat, yet this fucking asshole manages to hold them all at bay, fighting backwards over the bridge: spears occasionally poke holes in him, he's bleeding everywhere, but he simply WILL NOT DIE. Then, out of nowhere, a bard - emerging from the left-hand side of the screen, intent on heading into our pub for drinks and song - walks headfirst into this shit. He walks up behind the dumb fucker with the axe and - for reasons known only to himself - decided to fucking *bite* the axeman to death; then, when that fails, he picks up his leather Mubo (which, I think, is a procedurally generated banjo-like instrument) and BEATS THE BASTARD TO DEATH WITH IT. This guy is metal as all fuck: alas, then, that he will never play the banjo again, unless our Cheesemaker chuckleheads can stitch his hand back together again / prevent it from being infected.
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dn
Body Count: 02
the motherfucking darknation
Posts: 1,724
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Post by dn on Apr 1, 2020 19:46:22 GMT -5
So, it's a 20 foot long giant crab. That flies. I hope that the fucking caverns are locked and there aren't 20 fuckheads down there gnawing on raw mushrooms or whatever the fuck else Dorfs do when not fantasizing about magma. I should really initiate a civilian lockdown and... Nevermind, turns out the Black Baron gives no fucks. Things are looking good. We are now at the level where the Cthonic hell-spawn of the universe trouble us less than bizarrely psychotic banjo players. That's one god-beast less to trouble the world: what previously gave us the fear we now treat like some demonic Uber-Eats delivery.
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