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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 10:17:21 GMT -5
So the greatest quadrennial sporting event is almost upon us once again, and I’m not talking about the anabolic Olympiad. And this is the official Doomer Boards World Cup thread, which is sure to be viewed by tens and tens of people and replied to by ones and ones of you. Thanking you all in advance. I’ll be pulling for the Aussies naturally, although we stand a snowball’s chance in hell of getting out of our group. We have France first up in about the only match of this World Cup that will be shown at a decent time in the land of the cunt. I’ll be honest, Australia’s only chance against the Frogs is if Les Bleus fragile egos explode once again in spectacular fashion, so it’s actually a pretty damn good chance. The other cunt-ries who will wreck our shit in our group are Denmark and Peru. Denmark’s Queen in waiting Princess Mary is one of our very own from Tasmania. Hopefully she could do something to benefit her old pais by threatening the Danish players with beheadngs or whatever you medieval Europeans do in your lands. Peru will be helmed by the cocaine drinking Paolo Guerrero and will be unpredictable but fucken tough as most South American countries are wont to be. I won’t be resting my hopes on a country where football, or soccer if you must, isn’t even in the top four most loved sports, as my wife’s homeland and my adopted heartland are in this tournament. And that is the mighty fucken Brasil. Quem não gosta de Brasil, vai pra puta que pariu. Put that last sentence in your translator and smoke it. I will stake your money (not mine) on Brasil winning the whole thing, except if they come across Germany where they will have a 7-1 chance of crying in their cereal. Host nation Russia will likely bomb out at the group stage, which Putin will probably reward by stringing up their balls in red square. Any cunts who give a fuck, let her rip in this very thread.
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 10, 2018 10:38:13 GMT -5
Ha, colorful commentary. You'll update this for every match? I wonder if @memfis is interested in it...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 10:42:32 GMT -5
Every match? Only if you pay me. Most matches here will be shown at the inhumane timeslot of around 1am-5am. I’ll watch the highlights at work in the mornings and if there’s something that happens that is worth cunting about, I’ll cunt about it. I’ll try to catch most Brazil matches and from the Quarter Finals onwards. I’ll be relying on you good World Cup watching cunts who live in decent time zones to add content here. Vai Brazil!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 13:39:56 GMT -5
I wonder if @memfis is interested in it... Hell no! I'm a nerd and football's popularity is one of the biggest mysteries in the world for me.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2018 14:16:24 GMT -5
Study your mysteries young Memfis and you will grow.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2018 16:16:20 GMT -5
Good start by the Smirnoffs hammering in 5 goals past a hapless Saudi Arabia. Smart scheduling from FIFA to get the hosts a leg up with weak opponents to kick start the tournament on a high note. Looking forward to some real games coming up soon with a heavyweight contenders match featuring the headless Spain against pretty boy Ronaldo's Portugal as the pick of tomorrow's matches.
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Post by Olroda on Jun 14, 2018 16:38:21 GMT -5
I watched it too. Not much of a challenge for Ivan. The arabs had two good chances or so.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2018 17:27:06 GMT -5
I didn’t catch it live as it was a cunt of an hour here, but I watched the highlights. Sadly that’s how it’s gonna be for me most of this Cup. Good goals at least, all from open play except that last free kick goal. Almost every other goalkeeper would have saved that one, except for Loris Karius of course that poor cunt.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 4:58:35 GMT -5
We already have the first controversy of this Cup and it happened even before a ball was kicked in anger. Robbie Williams in true cockhead style has given the bird directly to the camera in front of a worldwide audience for reasons so far unconfirmed. Shortly after adding in some improv lyrics to Rock DJ ("but I did this for free") our TV screens graced us with this: I've just heard it suggested that this was some kind of protest about the appalling Russian human rights record in regards to LGBTI. Why do I always want a bacon, lettuce & tomato burger after seeing those initials? Why is an Englishman even performing at the opening of the Russian World Cup tournament? Was he actually giving the sign of approval to his coke dealer? Was he showing Gary Barlow where to sit and swivel? So many questions, so little fucks to give.
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 15, 2018 6:16:18 GMT -5
^ So i wasn't seeing things! The opening was still pointless tho. Match wasn't that quality tbh, the winning side just suck less Bunch of slow and old dudes bullying a unqualified team.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 13:37:35 GMT -5
Sterling stuff so far in the Spain v Portugal game. Pretty boy Ronaldo (barely) gets dropped in the penalty box after a minute and proceeds to slot home said penalty. Diego Costa, the traitorous Brazilian turned Spanish national team member Costas his way to to Spain’s equaliser 20 minutes later. Minutes later Isco of Spain makes a ridiculous strike that somehow doesn’t cross the line and is reminiscent of the England ghost goal against West Germany in the 1966 World Cup final. Except this one doesn’t get awarded. Glad I woke up at 4am, hope the remaining hour gives more of the same. Half time update: another Cristiano Ronaldo goal puts Portugal 2-1 up just before the break. Slack keeping from my Manchester United boy De Gea there.
Full time update: well I’m certainly happy that I woke up earlier for that. 3-3, and while neither team will be particularly happy with the draw, they both deserved a point each. Costa for Spain equalised again 10 minutes after the break with a stone cold textbook striker follow through after a nice bit of build up. Nacho with a powerful long strike put Spain up 3-2 not long after. The wind seemed to be sucked out of the Portuguese at that stage and didn’t look like threatening Soain’s goal for the remainder of the match. Then 2 minutes from time, Portugal found themselves with a free kick about 10 yards outside the penalty box, and who else but Ronaldo? Cristiano under pressure that would crush a mere mortal curls a ridiculous shot around the wall and into the top corner of the net for his hat trick and to tie the game up at 3 all. That was football cunts, and that’s why people love this game.
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 15, 2018 14:58:29 GMT -5
That's one hell of a shot from CR7. 3-3 is a fitting conclusion, and Ronaldo has cemented his place as one of Broadway's greatest actors.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 15:09:59 GMT -5
A few words on the theatre of diving and overacting: the Latin American philosophy about this kind of “cheating” is the complete opposite of the Anglo nations. In South America particularly it is an admirable trait within the context of the game. It shows passion and the willingness to do just that little bit extra to get your team over the line, and if you get away with it, it shows a certain kind of “street” cleverness that the people love. Even better if it succeeds against a particularly detested opposition, then it can be positively orgasmic. In Brazil there’s even a term for this, “jeitinho,” which means to find a way to accomplish something while bending the rules or normal societal conventions.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2018 16:13:05 GMT -5
Quick thoughts on the other Day 2 games: Egypt 0 v 1 Uruguay, I listened to this one on the wireless as I was falling asleep last night and it didn't sound like I was missing much. Based on the highlights it looks like Uruguay were threatening to goal in the last portion of the match and eventually did in the last minute of regulation time. And Luis Suarez didn't bite anyone this time, so yay Uruguay.
The Morocco 0 v 1 Iran was also decided by a very late goal, this one in the 95th minute. Morocco looked the better attacking team and had at least half a dozen clear shots on goal from the highlights, while Iran's keeper was definitely the man of the match for them and saw more of the ball then the rest of his team. In one of the cruel ironies that sport can throw up, Iran got an undeserving winner from a set piece where a poor Moroccan player inadvertently headed the ball into his own goal. Coupled with losing the 2026 host bid it's been a cunt of a couple of days for the boys from Casablanca.
Day 3 is coming up and 3 of the 4 games have potential to be crackers. Perennial quarter final contenders Croatia face perennial quarter final contenders Nigeria. Peru will face Denmark in what I hope will be a draw to help the Aussies out in our group standings and increase our chances of making it to the second round. Argentina faces Iceland, and I'm pretty sure that if the other 9 outfield Argentine players all came down with diarrhea, Messi could still take Iceland on his own. Argentina don't really have a team btw, it's just Messi and 10 dudes, but those 10 dudes aren't Barcelona so he'll have to keep dreaming of a World Cup trophy because it ain't gonna happen for him sadly. And then it's the cunting Aussies against the French. On paper there is no way France loses to Australia. In reality the French can't keep their egos in check long enough to order lunch. At the very least I'm praying for that as that will be our only realistic chance. As long as we're competitive I'll be pretty happy, and a draw won't be the worst result in the world.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2018 5:51:18 GMT -5
0-0 at half time in the Australia-France game. The game hasn’t been a technical spectacle thus far but it’s had its intrigue. 10000 Aussies in the crowd making for a great atmosphere, the French fans there don’t appear to have much of a voice. Les Bleus started off quick and unsettled us but we’ve been able to impose our physical dominance on them and have nullified their technique and speed advantage. France can score at the drop of a hat though, so we have to keep applying that intimidating pressure. The French can’t seem to handle our boys size and we’ve been shoving them around a bit, quite fun to watch haha. They’ve had their chances but somehow our defenders just keep managing to hold on. Aussie Aussie Aussie!
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 16, 2018 6:15:34 GMT -5
Tough luck Glen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 16, 2018 6:19:12 GMT -5
... For like 2 seconds. 1-1, thanks to Umtiti the goalkeeper.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2018 6:22:16 GMT -5
Don’t speak too soon! Karma is a bitch heh High drama in Kazan as FIFA attempted to rob the Aussies in broad daylight with a bullshit video review where our player had no skerrick of contact with the French player who dived in his penalty area. Griezemann of France slotted home said penalty for the goal. Minutes later Umtiti the French defender with a clear handball in our penalty area, and justice was served as we slotted home our own penalty. 1-1 now with half an hour to play, FIFA video cunts don’t try to rob us again! Cunts! final update: 2-1 win for France. All I can say is thankfully it wasn’t decided on that bullshit video review call and that France got the win with a decisive goal after the Aussie’s penalty cancelled out the French’s. Even that goal almost did the ghost goal trick, almost thought it would be another video call for a moment. Good effort by the lads although they just ran out of legs at the end and didn’t create enough chances. France were far from impressive and on this performance they’re not going to go far into the tournament. Bring on the next matches! FIFA video refs, Robbie Williams has something for you:
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 16, 2018 6:56:55 GMT -5
Not the France i expected, didn't stand out much in any positive way. But then many teams that played like France usually progress far, so we'll see. lol VAR football
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2018 7:05:54 GMT -5
Yeah VAR WTF? I think in the first half our uncoordinated play confused the frogs who are more accustomed to teams playing along the ground and with a lot more technique than our ugly at times shit, but that’s the Aussie way. It might not be pretty but we push, we struggle and we fight to the end. Credit our lads for not giving up, but finishing second in a two horse race is last. Enough with honourable performances Australia, time to get cunty and get a killer instinct at this soccer stuff. I’d hate to be the French team at this time though. Their press will tear them to shreds for a bad performance against a so called shit football country like Australia and they barely escaped a draw or worse by the skin of their testicles. I’ll take that fact as a win.
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 16, 2018 10:09:10 GMT -5
Argentina 1 v Iceland 1: Ghost of "Miss Penalty" is still haunting poor la pulga (aka Lionel Messi). A great show put up by the vikings of Iceland, 1-1 draw, creating a nightmarish start for Argentina's campaign. Its gonna be one of those years for the Argentinians.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2018 14:26:35 GMT -5
Haha fucken sweet! I guess the Argies diarrhoea was a pretty severe case!
Updated thoughts after seeing highlights: Aguero's goal was class, Iceland's had the benefit of sloppy defending. Full credit to Iceland, they look a formidable unit and appear that they will not be pushovers. Messi had plenty of chances and he will rue that saved penalty... it seems that the World Cup will be the one trophy that always eludes him. He probably should've became a Spanish citizen.
Denmark 1-0 Peru: Another VAR penalty awarding, for the benefit of Peru in what was a clear penalty if the one in the Aus/Fra game was. I didn't have any idea that VAR would be used for these kind of decisions and thought it would be only for goal related things i.e. offside, if the ball crosses the line. It's really fucken bullshit that shit. Anyways the Peruvian penalty taker made the worst penalty shot in recent memory, throwing his golden gift in the trash as he looked to be aiming for the International Space Station instead of goal. This proved costly as Denmark scored to break the Peruvian hearts. Peru looked to have their chances however, and at this level you have to take them. As an Aussie I'm not looking forward to facing either of these two teams next, but if you want to be great you have to face the best.
As of only minutes ago Croatia has downed Nigeria 2-0... Looking forward to Day 4 to see muthafucken Brazil start their campaign against the watchmen, the Swiss. Also on Day 4 Costa Rica will face Serbia and defending champions and causers of tears Germany will match up with Mexico which could be a sleeper top notch match if the Mexicans bring their A game.
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dn
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Post by dn on Jun 16, 2018 15:37:34 GMT -5
looking forward to watching England shit the bed and eat it again.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2018 15:58:10 GMT -5
looking forward to watching England shit the bed and eat it again. You and me both. I've had people talk to me about how England are one of the favourites and what I think their chances will be. I laugh my arse off and tell them that they should go into stand up comedy because that's a really fucken funny idea!! I will make a grand statement right now: Australia will win the World Cup before England ever do again.
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Aisleen
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Post by Aisleen on Jun 17, 2018 10:06:38 GMT -5
England is a paper lion. Also the free kicks are frikin beautiful, latest classic found in Costa Rica vs Serbia.
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