dn
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Post by dn on Jun 30, 2017 11:10:06 GMT -5
You are JESUS CHRIST. It is your destiny to SAVE MANKIND. Your last mission ended in disaster and crucifixion. For 2000 years you have been sleeping on your dad's couch, unemployed and mooching fags off Him. Life was pretty good, all things considered; - alas, then, that you dug too deep and too greedily the last time you raided the Old Man's fridge. You ate all God's holy Hot Pockets and the grouchy celestial bastard finally kicked you out on your jobless, sponging asshole. Fucking prick. You awake to find yourself in a SHITHOLE. It's been a while since you were last on Earth, but the place looks pretty much as you left it. Do you: A) Investigate the north, where you see a bunch of RAMSHACKLE FUCKHOVELS. You can hear the sounds of industry and dysentery wafting forth from the dilapidated portals. B) To the west is a LITTLE FUCKER squalling in the once mighty ruins of this civilization. He is squatting; you suspect he might be a Slav. Perhaps he holds vital information! C) To the east is a FIELD OF MUD. Some strange quadruped inhabits this field; maybe you can make friends with it. Your inventory contains ONE GOAT.
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dn
Body Count: 02
the motherfucking darknation
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Post by dn on Jun 30, 2017 19:38:39 GMT -5
No you are the gestalt entity known as JESUS CHRIST. You have no need of templates.
You merely state your intention (A, B or C) and your reasons for doing so. Group consensus / GM malignancy determines the result.
I might let you act out of sequence / perform additional BONUS ACTIONS if your suggestion is inherently interesting.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2017 19:43:37 GMT -5
Lmao, I opened this thread on my lunch break at work and pretty near spit water all over the table.
Anyway, I'm not interested in furry sex so option C is automatically negated by default. Flip effect: negate encounter.
As for the squatting Slav... he may have some valuable information. But he may also be dangerous. This could become quite the perilous predicament indeed. I'm not interested in getting anally molested or sniffing glue actually.
On the flip-side, we have machinery and industry ahead. Where there is industry, there is work. Where there is work, there is money! I feel like if I had the sufficient funds, I would be able to construct a small hobo home with plywood and nails. A shelter for protection from the elements.
Yeah, we're going with A.
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40oz
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Post by 40oz on Jun 30, 2017 19:56:38 GMT -5
Something tells me the goat and the LITTLE FUCKER with information are going to be a good pair.
Jesus can walk on water. Does that mean he can walk on mud without getting stuck?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2017 20:02:53 GMT -5
Seriously? You're willing to give up a chance for work so you can befriend a muddy fucking goat? And you can't pick both B and C at the same time. So the collaborative pair can't happen.
Think of the future 40. This is life and death. You can't risk mankind over a fucking goat stuck in the mud.
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dn
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the motherfucking darknation
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Post by dn on Jun 30, 2017 20:24:09 GMT -5
Jesus can walk on water. Does that mean he can walk on mud without getting stuck? Jesus is also a wizard. Read the source material for the campaign, it's pretty obvious. EDIT: Added poll. I assume I can edit it for each encounter.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2017 20:53:34 GMT -5
I'm going with B because the hovels are rife with dysentery and could be trap, and my inventory holds no weapons yet.
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BIG DICK NIGGA
this post is a lie about my bodily proportions
Major Arlene obsessed, 100% verified freakazoid. AKA bzzrak
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Post by BIG DICK NIGGA on Jul 1, 2017 6:59:32 GMT -5
This might be fun. Whee.
Choosing B because I'm a Slav myself. I don't think he'd somehow harm his highest deity, so he's a fairly safe choice.
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40oz
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Post by 40oz on Jul 1, 2017 11:23:23 GMT -5
Seriously? You're willing to give up a chance for work so you can befriend a muddy fucking goat? And you can't pick both B and C at the same time. So the collaborative pair can't happen. Think of the future 40. This is life and death. You can't risk mankind over a fucking goat stuck in the mud. I'm just weighing out the options. I don't know what the labor laws are here! If we get a job we might never get out alive! I feel if we talk to some people for some information we might find out more about what's going on here before we start trying stuff. Idk what RAMSHACKLE FUCKHOVELS are but they might be big and tough and can fuck us up. (That's supposed to be us in the picture right?) You're reasoning is good but I think it might be safer to do the riskiest thing last. I'm gonna go with B
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GRUG
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Post by GRUG on Jul 1, 2017 18:17:02 GMT -5
I choose B) ..... because squatting with Slavs sounds like a good time. Plus, they probably got a secret stash of good booze.
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GRUG
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Post by GRUG on Jul 1, 2017 18:20:30 GMT -5
You awake to find yourself in a SHITHOLE. Detroit Michigan, or Camden New Jersey?
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dn
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the motherfucking darknation
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Post by dn on Jul 1, 2017 21:06:35 GMT -5
You approach the squatting child to give him the good news, striding through a congregation of flies and waving them away from your face. "Behold," you say, "I am JESUS CHRIST SAVIOR OF MANKIND! Pray tell me, small child, from whence doest thou hark?" The LITTLE FUCKER rises from his squat and says; "Urdu urdu durka durka." The lingo is unfamiliar to you, since you, being JESUS CHRIST, can only speak Aramaic. Regardless, before you can so much as even blink, the LITTLE FUCKER lunges at you and tries to steal your goat! You find yourself engaged in COMBAT with the LITTLE FUCKER! What will you do? A) Abandon goat! Run away, women and Messiahs first! B) Engage the horrible little bastard in ritual HAND TO HAND combat! C) Cast a MAGICSPELL to defeat your foe!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2017 21:36:12 GMT -5
I told you guys he looked dangerous. I warned you all. You should have listened. You could have stopped this. We're going to have to fight this LITTLE FUCKER now. If we win the fight, we can steal his belongings and sell them for profit. B, time to go Tae Kwon Do on his ass.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2017 22:34:05 GMT -5
No Rush, remember Jesus is a wizard class, not a fighter class. Obvious answer here is C.
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BIG DICK NIGGA
this post is a lie about my bodily proportions
Major Arlene obsessed, 100% verified freakazoid. AKA bzzrak
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Post by BIG DICK NIGGA on Jul 2, 2017 4:22:37 GMT -5
C of course. The bastard made us think he could be trusted. His guts deserve to hang on the nearby tree, I'm sure the Messiah knows some mumbo-jumbo for that.
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Justince
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Post by Justince on Jul 2, 2017 10:39:11 GMT -5
Nuke that little bastard. He can skim goats in hell.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 11:21:02 GMT -5
Well if we're going to use magic, at least use Fire Strike. It's a lot more effective against Earth-type creatures.
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GRUG
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Post by GRUG on Jul 2, 2017 14:59:21 GMT -5
Fuck..... C) use a magic spell and cast that thing back to the depths of Hell.
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dn
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the motherfucking darknation
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Post by dn on Jul 2, 2017 23:58:02 GMT -5
You unleash the CATASTROPHIC energies of apocalypse against the LITTLE BASTARD who dared to touch your goat. He is utterly annihilated, body and soul, and his ashes are cast to sky and carried abroad by the foul four winds of nuclear detonation. "HOLY SHIT!" says your goat, ducking for cover in the velvety undercarriage of your messanistic armpit as intergalactic radiation crashes over the two of you in waves. "Jesus Christ, chief," the goat continues, "Was that really necessary?" You look around you. The village has been totally destroyed by your wrath, Old Testament style. The place is completely unrecognizable, not a single atom remains unchanged by the visitation of JESUS CHRIST, SAVIOR OF MANKIND. All is silent. All is still. Witnesses, should any remain, are wisely keeping their heads down for fear of retribution. Peace once more descends upon Your Kingdom. A) "Silence, goat! Exult! Gaze upon my works and despair! Also, what the fuck, goats can speak?" B) "Oh, goat, what have I done? Despair! Such devastation wrought by mine own hand! Also, what the fuck, goats can speak?" C) "He was probably going to steal and cook and feed you to his family. It was entirely justified self-defense. And I totally knew that goats can speak."
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BIG DICK NIGGA
this post is a lie about my bodily proportions
Major Arlene obsessed, 100% verified freakazoid. AKA bzzrak
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Post by BIG DICK NIGGA on Jul 3, 2017 4:05:02 GMT -5
Whoops, that got a bit out of control. But at least the bastard won't bother anyone ever again. B.
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40oz
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Post by 40oz on Jul 3, 2017 11:48:04 GMT -5
I'm gonna go with A. Bow to Jesus!
But secretly; be more careful next time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 14:50:39 GMT -5
Excessive... but effective. Now others will tremble in fear, which is a very beneficial thing moving forward.
Going with A.
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GRUG
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Post by GRUG on Jul 4, 2017 1:31:26 GMT -5
A) because why not?
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40oz
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Post by 40oz on Jul 5, 2017 12:31:11 GMT -5
Is everything from vote 1 dead? The quadruped? The RAMSHACKLE FUCKHOVELS? If so Id like to check out the north.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2017 14:10:48 GMT -5
It's all gone now. It was destroyed by the nuclear explosion. This is why we should have used hand-to-hand combat. I told you all. You didn't listen. You could have prevented this.
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