Josh I feel for ya bro, but joe has a point here. The closest I’ve seen you posting something in recent times that was productive and selfless was that mountainous canyon Doom screen. Maybe that’s your key issue dude, learn to be a bit more selfless without becoming a pushover or false to yourself. I’d still like to know what it was you did or failed to do that is causing you this drama, after all you mention it every second post why not tell us?
Post by mrthejoshmon on Sept 2, 2018 14:28:44 GMT -5
I came so close to dying, so close to ending it all so I've finally done it, I've decided enough was enough and I'm now going through the psychiatric process towards improving my condition.
I had a long talk with a friend, they convinced me of what I am to the world and that the best I can do for them all is to save myself, get the help I need and make everything better by doing so. I've had a long talk with the doctors, I told them everything they needed and everything I think, I'm now starting the road to recovery and I think (for the first time in years) that I'm going to be fine.
Thank you all, venting here really helped and I'm thankful you let me, it's going to be a long road but I'm not walking it alone.
Thank you, no really.
I was wrong, they're not going to help me, they palmed me off, my case wasn't "severe" enough and all I have is some half arsed call centre to turn to, no councillors, no meds just talking on the phone with someone who doesn't give a shit...
There's truly no hope is there, I'm fucked aren't I? Maybe I should've have finished the fucking job.
I made the necessary steps myself, I got into contact with a counsellor myself because the NHS apparently has better things to do.
Maan...I don't quite have the mood to delve too deep into my feelings on this issue, but until then I have some insights that might be useful. First, the absolute confusion of your identity and self-harming/deprecating behaviour might mean you have BPD. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I'm struggling with similar things myself (minus feeling I've let everyone down...but that's only because I don't have anyone to care about anymore), so I can't really tell you what definitely helps. However, changing your behaviour can help a lot, and I feel if I was able to do it consistently that would be great. Do positive things for yourself...clean your room, eat better, sleep better, try to improve yourself etc. If you keep at it and don't give up, your brain will notice the improvements and conclude doing these things is a good thing (most likely...however I'm always at a stop-start with doing this, and when I do I always give up....pathetic. But eh...) Also, I disagree with being MORE selfless. From your posts I can see people are walking all over you, then when you stand up for yourself they play the victim card (probably what this girl is doing). Tell people no, tell people to fuck off, learn to stand up for yourself. Make boundaries, if they breach them too often tell them to fuck off plain and simple.
Btw the NHS is an underfunded pile of trash and I HEAVILY recommend doing things for yourself while you wait for an appointment, otherwise you'll enforce the negative behaviour. You might even not go when you do get an appointment.
IMPORTANT:Since you're from the UK I'd really like to meet you someday...I'm free the next 4 days. I really need a friend and someone to talk to, and it sounds like you're in the same boat. Let's try to help each other
P.S.:Don't worry, everything will be fine if you believe in yourself.